Marysues, Alchemy and a Random group of Sadists
by The-random-group-of-sadists
Summary: A group of 4 friends accidently release a marysue past the gate. Their task becomes killing their mistake. This launches them into a tale of failed assasination attempts, marysuity, and sarcasm as the 4 friends try desperetly to subdue the marysue! R&R!
1. Prologue

**_Madness: The fic has begun! At last was shall take you on the wild ride of marysueness!_**

**_Manipulation: We'll go ahead and say that this may be sickening to read for mary sue haters but also funny so delight in the fact that we'll eventually kill this mary sue._**

**_Madness: If you happen to not like marysue bashing: First of all go plunge your head in some ice water_**

**_Manipulation: And second don't read this fic! Common sense people!_**

**_Madness: Now without further ado let's begin!_**

**_Manipulation: R&R!_**

"Bored, bored, bored" Maddie chanted banging her head repeatidly on random hard objects amongst my room.

"Really I would never guess." Erin rolled her eyes.

"So what? Are you planning to get rid of the boredom by giving yourself brain damage?" Zeb raised an eyebrow.

"Yes" Maddie hissed in between head bangs.

"Pipe down will ya?" I growled at my friends. "You especially Maddie. I don't wan't my parents to think we're destroying the furniture."

"Well aren't you miss sympathetic." Maddie plopped down on my bed moodily.

"Of course I am." I grinned.

"Aimee sympathetic?" Erin raised an eyebrow.

Zeb held back a snigger.

"Oh shut up." I muttered "Though you have a point."

My four friends and I were sitting in my room... bored if you didn't pick that up. We had just finished watching the final episode of Fullmetal Alchemist. Now the series was over... and our life purpose had flown out the window. So here we were in my room with nothing to do and with an hour of time left ahead of us.

Ugh! My ADD mind can't handle boredom for that long! Must do something random!

Hi I'm Aimee. My friends, Zeb Maddie and Erin, are the only ones I can be myself around without accumilating a substansial ammount of stares and causing people to back away slowly (or quickly if I'm being really wierd). All of us are drawn together by are quirks and our love of Fullmetal Alchemist.

Maddie is short, a pipsqueak, a shrimp, a midget, a dwarf, an elf, ect. take your pick. She's also a chatter box, a singing box and has an obsession with just about every hot male character in FMA. (Ed, Mustang, Scar ect.)

Zeb is a giant with a thing for manipulating others (in paticular gulible teachers) into thinking he's innocent and cares about everything you say. Don't be fooled. He's EVIL!!!... ish.

Erin is a genius, a walking encyclopedia with a photographic memory. She's the sanest one of our group and is the only one with a real grasp on the subject opf logic and common sense. She has a devious mind and we believe that is secretly the leader of the mafia (shhh! Don't tell!)

I'm the most sadistic crazy one in the group with a knife fettish and a thing for lieing, stealing and tricking people. What can I say? It's a gift. I have no set of morals really... at all. I think they abandon me when I was five. I've got a knack for deviousness but not much of a care for academics (I cheat on everything anyway)

So there you have us! We're about as crazy as they come.

I was sitting at my desk tapping on a blank sheet of paper as my friends argued about the best cures for boredom. I wanted to write something but I wasn't sure what... something to do with FMA... but I had writers block which is the worst feeling of all time. Almost as bad as writing an unintensional mary sue.

Oh that's the other thing that all of us share in common: Our hate of marysues. They are the epitimy of all perfection and deserve to die a slow and painful death. I want to kill every last one of them till they're deadeth! I-...hmmm...kill...

...grin...

"Idea!" I announced.

"Tell us more" Maddie demanded popping up from her lethargic state on the bed.

"Ok well we hate marysues right?"

A chourus of groans and choice curse words answered my question.

"Right so why don't we create a marysue? The most revoltingly perfect character the literary world has ever known... and then kill her off in the most painful way possible!" I grinned sadisticly.

...

"Awesome let's do it!"

"I'm up for murder!"

"I love marysue bashing!"

...yep those are my friends!

Everyone clustered around my desk as I set my pen to the paper "So what first?"

"Let's start from the name and then go from there." Erin suggested. "The first name has to suggest innocence and perfection."

Erin is great at breaking down marysue names.

"Let's name her after our least favorite marysue Arya!" Zeb smiled evily.

"But change the speeling" Maddie put in.

"Right so we can still say we're somewhat creative" I wrote down the name "A-R-I-A. Aria. Great what next?"

"Well she needs to have two middle names since one isn't enough" Erin said "Something sugesting... beauty."

"Esmerelda" Maddie suggested "It seems all princess like."

"Aphrodite" Zeb said "That's the goddess of love right?"

"Arie Esmerelda Aphrodite" I wrote down the name "Loathsome indeed. Last name?"

"Something that sugests she's still tough and is a good fighter" Erin said firmly.

"Something dramatic" Maddie said... dramaticly.

"Something to do with night" Zeb nodded.

"Nightshade" I announced. "Aria Esmeralda Aphrodite Nightshade."

We all shuddered in unison.

"Just the name is awful" Maddie whispered.

"I can't wait to kill her!" Zeb hissed excitedly.

...Yeah we have no lives can you tell?

We spent the next thirty minutes creating her physical atributes, personality and anxiety back story. Finally when front and back of the page was filled with as much marysueness as it could hold...

"And done" I finished the last sentence.

Then the lights when out.

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**_Madness: Lot's of marysueness in the next chapter_**

**_Manipulation: Even more than the name suggests_**

**_Madness: Which is saying alot_**

**_Aria: And you get to meet m-"_**

**_Madness and Manipulation: AUGH! (shoot with gun) NOT YET!_**

**_Aria: I repel you with my singing!_**

**_Madness: RUN!_**

**_Manipulation: And Review while you're at it!_**


	2. Aria Emerelda Aphrodite Nightshade

**_Madness: This chapter is in third person with Ed and Al. Kind of more from Ed's point of view but in third person... does that make sense?_**

**_Manipulation: Not really but ok. We're giving you the first taste of true marysueness in this chapter._**

**_Aria: And you get to meet me! 3_**

**_Madness: ..._**

**_Manipulation: Save it for the story you vile marysue._**

**_Aria: Vile? Why whatever do you mean?_**

**_Madness: R&R!_**

"Hey Al! Are we close to the train station?" Ed called to his younger brother.

"We should be their soon," Al nodded scanning the countryside sorrowfully. "You know... I never realized how beautiful Risenbol is."

"Don't start now Al," Ed muttered "We burned down our house. We aren't turning back now."

"I know brother, I know." Something caught Al's eye. A glint of gold atop a near by hill."Brother look," Al trotted up the hill and stooped down to pick up something. It was a small, heartshaped gold locket around a golden chain.

"What is it?" Ed sighed coming up behind his brother. "Please tell me you didn't find another cat."

"No, it's a locket." Al showed his brother the fine piece of jewlrey.

"Hmm, shiny, but I don't see what relevance this has to getting to Central." Ed replied. "What are you gonna do? Give it to Winry?"

"No I-" AL began to protest but he was interupted by a weak voice.

"Excuse me... that's mine."

A few yards away a young girl lay collapsed on the side of the hill. She had dark, midnight locks that rippled down like a waterfall, all the way to her waist. Her eyes were a shade of mist grey and seemed to reflect so many past horrors as they stared straight through the soul of the armor. She was even smaller than Ed, and very thin, yet she still seemed to have plenty of muscel on her but not enough to hinder her beauty. Her lips were soft and her skin was pale. She wore a simple top and had on a silk jacket: silver with a purple embroidery, and silver gloves as well. She was truly very beautiful even in her exhausted looking state. **_(A/N: Can you feel the marysueness radiating from that long and over descriptive paragraph?)_**

"Are you alright?" Al asked helping the girl to her feet.

"Oh yes." the girl gave a soft, tinkling laugh. "Just tired. It's been a long journey."

"What are you doing out here anyway?" Ed asked a little impatiently. He didn't want to miss the train.

"I'm trying to get to Central." the girl explained "The state alchemy exam is coming soon and I'm going to take it. It's important that I do. Normally I wouldn't want to become a dog of the military. I'd rather just help people with alchemy out of my own free will. But I made a promise." She held her hand out. "My locket. Can I please see it?"

"Oh right. Of course." Al handed her back the heart shaped crystal locket.

The girl's eyes suddenly changed from the misty grey color to a bright aqua hue. Ed's eye twitched.

"We're taking the state alchemy exam too!" Al informed her. "How old are you?"

"Ten" the girl smiled brightly. "If I make it I know I'll be the youngest state alchemist in the history of Ametris, not to mention the only female state alchemist." The girl fastened the locket around her neck. "Oh and don't mind my eyes. They change color with my emotions." She flashed a bright, pearly smile.

"They...change...colors." Ed stared.

"That's right. It's very rare," the girl nodded.

"...So I figured." Ed muttered "So listen...um..."

"Aria!" The girl said brightly. "Aria Esmerelda Aphrodite Nightshade!"

"Right, Aria Esmelda Arodite Ni- Listen we need to catch a train so..." Ed began.

"Me too" Aria was _still _smiling "That's why I'm here. It's been such a long journey." Her eyes slipped back into a misty grey as she fingered the locket around her neck before they snapped back to the bright blue color. "In any case is it ok if I travel with you for the time being?...I mean if that's alright with you. I don't want to impose..."

"It's no trouble" Al said before Ed could say otherwise. "We're headed the same way after all."

"Thankyou!" Ed was thinking the girl would start twirling around any minute but instead she just settled for skipping ahead of the two brothers.

"Uh...Al?" Ed looked at his brother as they started after the joyful girl. "Abut this Aira girl-"

"Her names Aria Ed," Al corrected. "Why can't you be sympathetic?" The armor stared after the girl. He was quite sure that he had never seen anyone so beautiful. "I have a feeling she's been through alot."

"Yeah maybe," Ed muttered "But it's the wierdest thing. It's like she just appeared there..."

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**_Madness: I need fresh air. So much marysueness! I'm gonna need to be put on life support after the next chapter._**

**_Manipulation: Next chapter? What about the next chapter?_**

**_Madness: The anxty past life chapter. Remember the one we're spliting up into to parts because it streches on so long._**

**_Manipulation: Oh yeah... turns out Fanfiction limits the ammount of marysueness in each chapter so we had to split it up._**

**_Madness: Anyway... REVIEW!_**

**_Manipulation: And we shalt give you free cyber cookies!_**


	3. Thou Shalt Be Screwdeth

**_Madness: REVIEW! ONLY ONE PERSON (Ali Phantom) Has reviewed our chapters so far so please review and tell us what you think!_**

**_Manipulation: Oh and we lied-_**

**_Madness: Which we do quite frequently._**

**_Manipulation: -This is actually another chapter with the random group of sadists. The next chapter shall be the anxiety past life story._**

**_Madness: But this is still a good chapter._**

**_Aria: But I'm unfortunetly not in it._**

**_Madness:..._**

**_Manipulation: Yeah, Real UNFORTUNETLY!_**

**_Madness: Sarcasm there. REVIEW!_**

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Everything around me was darkness, not one freakin beam of light. Where the Hell was I. I was not in my room that was for sure. My room wasn't this cold.

"Maddie? Zeb? Erin? Ya there?" I called. There was no answer.

...ok then let's try a different approach.

"OY! PIPSQUEAK! GIANT! BOOK WORM!"

"SHUT UP SADIST!" Three voices called back in unison.

**_..._**huh... that was effective.

"You guys ok?" I asked.

"I'm alive" Erin called "I think..."

"I'm good." Zeb sighed from somewhere to my left "What the heck happened."

"I don't know but it's cold and I can't see squat" Maddie said irritably.

As if on cue a blinding light came on forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut.

"GAH! I"M BLIND!" Zeb yelled.

"So we are dead" Erin said calmly.

"Oh good so I don't have to worry about my English paper" I said cheerfully.

"...Wow Aimee" I free friends stated in unison.

"You have released someone past my gates" an onimous voice said.

"Come again?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Someone has past my gates who should not have." the voice repeated "By your doing."

"Erin stop trying to funny" Maddie called.

"It's not me" Erin said...

At the same time the voice said "I'm not being funny. This is serious.

I risked cracking open my eyes. At first I thought I had gone blind due to the substantial ammount of white space around me but since I could still see my friends that ruled that option out. I could see something else too. A giant ston gateway in the middle of the white space. A gateway that I reconized all to well.

...well crap.

"Well Mr. Serious." Maddie was saying "Care to tell us where the heck we are?"

"You aren't gonna figure out with your eyes closed" I muttered staring blankly at the gate.

There was a long pause as my three friends opened their eyes and took to staring at the gate like me until Maddie broke the silence... like she usually does.

"HOLY CRAP! Ohcrapohcrapohcrap!"

"Is this heaven?" Zeb wondered.

"Or Hell" I suggested "That seems more plausible."

"You know where you are" said the voice seeming relativly exasperated.

"Ok yeah we do" Erin snapped "We're at the gate between deimensions/ worlds/ whatever you call them. Now hurry up and finish talking, I want to wake up from this strange dream."

I had a cold feeling in my gut as I asked "Uh... Mr. Ominous voice? Who exactly did we release past the gate?"

"Ah let's see?" the voice sounded thoughtful "She had such a long, needlessly complicated name I didn't care to remember."

"Aw crap." Maddie whimpered.

"You don't mean-" Zeb stuttered.

"We're screwed" Erin concluded.

"Don't tell us" I whispered "Don't tell us her name was Aria."

"Oh yeah that was it!"

"NOOOOOO! WE RELEASED ARIA INTO THE FMA WORLD!" I dropped my kneews "WE ARE SCREWDETH!"

"Now what?" Erin groaned."

"Equivilent exchange. You must correct you error." the voice answered.

"I wonder if being trapped in an alternate dimension is a relevant excuse for not doing my english paper." I mused.

"Don't count on it" Zeb muttered.

"To find your way home you must complete two tasks" the voice said dramaticly.

"I hate responsibility" Maddie grumbled and we shushed her.

"First you must find the pilosiphers stone."

"Meh... we know the plot. It's not like that'll be too hard." Zeb shrugged.

"Just time consuming" I sighed.

"And second, a grevious task, you must kill the girl you sent past my gates. This is a grevious task but... you...must..." the voice trailed off evidently noticing our demonic and sadistic expressions.

"THis is the best day of my life!" Zeb hissed.

"Ditto" Erin nodded.

"I've always wanted to be an assasin." Maddie grinned evilly.

I was laughing in a demonic, sadistic creepy way.

In unison we lunged forward and yanked open the door.

"Wait I should tell you th-" the voice started but we had already jumped througha and were being plunged into the abyss. Whatever the voice was about to say was lost.

* * *

"Oh well" the voice sighed. "I was going to tell them that the girl's perfection would only increase over time and that she wouldn't be their only obstacle as time goes on and they get more wrapped up in the story but I'm sure it's not that important..."

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Blooper # 1:

"SHUT UP SADIST!" Three voices called back in unison

"Hey I am not a sadist!" I protested.

A randomly placed closet suddenly burst open and hundreds of knives, guns, bombs and other assorted wepons scattered everywhere.

"Right Aimee..."

"DANG IT! WHY DOES THAT KEEP HAPPENING!"

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Blooper # 2:

"You have released someone past my gates." the voice said "Someone who should not have. By your doing."

...

"So you gonna tell us who?" I asked.

"No you damn teenagers never listen anyway. Figure it out for your selves." the voice dissapeared (even though he was never seen in the first place)

"...well this sucks how do we figure it out?" Maddie asked.

Substansial ammount of stares were given to her.

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**_Madness: Hope you enjoyed!_**

**_Manipulation: Oh and we're gonna start adding bloopers for the more unrealistic, outragous things we cut from the story!_**

**_Madness: Review and we'll upload the anxety past life chapter faster!_**

**_Manipulation: The first part anyway..._**

**_Madness: TILL NEXT TIME! TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!_**


	4. The Anxiety Past Part 1

**_Madness: Warning: marysue haters who have heart conditions or do not understand this is a complete parody fic should probably not read this._**

**_Manipulation: Actually read it anyway, we don't care what illness you have._**

**_Madness: And know that while you're reading-_**

**_Manipulaition: No matter how bad it seems-_**

**_Both: It will get worse._**

**_Madness: ENJOY!_**

**_Manipulation: AND REVIEW!_**

**_

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The girl, Aria, just got stranger on the train ride. Actually Ed thought this was an understatement to say the least.

The real wierdness started when Al foolishly asked Aria (out generosity) "So what's your story?"

Aria drew in a breath. Her hand flew to her locket, her eyes melted into a misty grey (The eye color changes were still freaking Ed out) "It-it's a long story. One that is hard for me to tell." Crystal teardrops collected in the corners of her eyes and slipped down her pale cheeks, like liquid dimonds in the sunlight.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to" Al comforted her.

"No," Aria smiled weakly. "I'm fine. I'll tell you..." and with that the girl launched into her tale.

"I was born on the isle of Esmerelda-Happyvilleitopia across the Eastern sea. I-"

"Wait a minute" Ed interupted "There is no Eastern sea."

"Well there wasn't" Aria's honey sweet voice practically sang. "But my father Posideon created it for my mother Aproditie as a symbol of his love."

"How come I've never heard of it!" Ed challenged.

"It's magic!" Aria said happily as if that explained everything. Her somber mood seemed to have completely vanished.

Ed was about to speak but Al cut in. "I'm sorry for my brother's tactlessness. Please go on!"

"Oh I don't mind," Aria said cheerily, then continued. "I was born with this birthmark." she twirled around elegantly, like an experianced dancer and used her fair, smooth arms to push aside her lucious midnight locks and reveal her pale neck that had a pink heart shaped birthmark.

"It glows in the dark" Aria added simply.

Ed was unsure what this had to with her past but decided to drop it.

"When I was five my mother gave birth to my younger twin sisters, Marylin and Susan. From a young age I taught them to sing seven part harmony with me and-"

"Wait" Ed interupted again "How the heck does that work?"

"Well you see." Aria explained. "Along with being able to hit any note in any range I was also born with the inate ability to sing three parts of harmony by myself. I had only taught my sisters to sing two part harmony before..." Aria trailed off clutching the silver locket as her eyes faded to grey and the crystal teardrops returned to her eyes. Her posture weakened as she sat delicately on a nearby stump that Ed somehow had failed to notice before.

...wait...when did they get into a forest?

"Well I'll start at the beggining" Aria sighed **(A/N: Which clues you in that this going to be an incredibly long story)** "My uncle Hades, was jealous of my father for his love with Aphroditie, so he created the dark plauge. My father, since he felt responsible, went to confront his brother and he-"

A liquid dimond trailed down Aria's perfectly sculpted face "Never returned. My mother, weakened with grief, became very ill with the dark plauge and passed on-"

"Hold up" Ed cut in. "I thought she was a goddess. How could she-"

"-she passed on. I was now the sole care taker of my sweet younger sisters. I was able to provide for them by singing on the streets, but I only made enough money to feed my sister. Of course, I gladly went without. I would do anything to keep them from suffering the fate of my late mother."

"A few weeks after my mothers death, my sisters and I embarked on a long journey to Central. We couldn't afford the ferry to the mainland so I sang to my dolphin friends and they carried us to the mainland. They-"

"Wait, why were you going to Central?" Ed interupted again.

"Marilyn and Susanne were both amazing alchemists. They were on their way to take the state alchemy exam. Since they were both not yet five years old they would've been the youngest alchemist in the history of Ametris. I know they would've passed with flying colors because the Oracle, my aunt, said that she foresaw them becoming the "Daisy-Star-Blossum-Melody-Tear-Rose Alchemist" and the "Crystal-Amathist-Ruby-Harmony-Celestial-Emerald Alchemist if they live past their fifth birthday. **(A/N: I sense foreshadowing)**

Aria's illustrious smile faltered. "But it wasn't meant to be." she swallowed hard and stroked the ruby locket pondering.

Al gazed into Aria's beautiful eyes, which had slipped from grey to a deep, midnight purple. Her serene figure, which still sat upon the tree stump, was graced with a multi colored butterfly that alighted on her button nose. A moment later the sweet rainbow creature departed and fluttered off into the sunset.

"This is getting slightly awkward" Ed commented, breaking the silence.

"Oh hush brother" Al said , entranced with the sweet girls tale. "Go on."

Aria brushed back her silky locks and sat up with perfect posture. "Well, once we got to the mainland, we began the long trek twoards Central across deserts and mountains and rolling hills and streams and woodlands. After three weeks of travel, my sisters grew very weary. Of course they were able to use alchemy to assist themselves, but they were just little four year old girls."

"Marylin and Susan tried their best but they simply didn't have the strength to continue. They both collapsed on the side of the road, unable to take one more step. With their remaining energy they sang abeautiful duet of four part harmony. Their song was lined with a spell that caused white stags to gallop from the woods and carry them beside me. A red cardinal flew down to me from the heavens and led us throught the forest to a little woodland cottage where warm tea and porridge awaited us. The woodland creatures must've prepared it for us."

"Marylin and Susan woke and we celebrated our good fortune by singing with the animals, causing a large rainbow to form above the cottage. That night we danced with the owls and the fireflies, and then fell into a peaceful slumber under the twinkling stars." **(A/N: Dear God make it stop!)**

"The next morning I woke before my sisters, so I went for a walk around the forest and picked the lucious cherries that grew their for breakfast. While I was gathering the fruit I was approached by an old beggar woman. Her wrinkled form offered me a rosy red apple. I wanted to save all the cherries I'd collected for my sisters so I gladly accepted. Besides, I would never want to offend such a sweet old woman." **(Madness: Mwahaha! Manipulation: You had something to do with this didn't you?)**

"I returned to the cottage to find the birds setting the table. Marylin and Susan were already seated, their bright faces smiling up at me. I knew that I would do anything to keep them sfe from harm, as I loved them more than anything else in the world. **(A/N: If this is too subtle for some of you readers maybe this is better: THE SISTERS ARE GOING TO DIE!!!)**

"As my sisters began to eat the ruby red cherries, I took a bite of the old woman's apple. All a sudden, a dark cloud shrouded my vision. I fell to the ground, clutching my chest, my breathing labored. My sisters rushed to my side, clutching my hands. Within a moment, I could feel deaths grip consuming me, felt the familier touch of my mothers hands on my skin as the dark tendrils wrapped around me, pulling me from life. I saw the gate in that moment and the truth."

Aria choked off and swallows before continuing "It was awfula and I remember thinking: 'T_his is it, my death. My song has ended, my book is closed.' _Then a beautiful sound reached my ears. A clear chourus of four part harmony, the voices of my sisters. Then the gate was gone. I found myself lying on the maple wood floors of the cottage again. The life had returned to my veins. My sisters had brought me back to life, assisted by human transmutation. Weakened by this selfless act they now lay on the floor, their brathing shallow and-"

"But equivelant exchange!" Ed cut in to this sentimental moment of the story. "Your sisters should've lost something."

"They might've if they weren't assisted by their singing." Aria admitted.

"What does singing have to with anything?"

"It's magic!"

"That makes no sense whatsoev-"

"Brother!" Al admonished "She's telling us about her past and I'm sure it's very hard for her to talk about so don't interupt her."

"I'll be right back" Ed muttered. As soon as he walked away he found himself on the now slowing train and not in the forest... how had they gotten into a forest anyway?

...this was so strange.

"Please go on." Al encouraged. "I'm sorry about my brother."

"It's alright" Aria smiled sweetly "I'm sure he's just under alot of pressure with the alchemy exam coming approaching. Now where was I?" Aria brushed back her midnight bangs from her blue eyes which faded back into the midnight purple hue. "Oh yes. My sisters, Marylin and Susan were weakened and the black plauge found it's way into their veins. I knew that the only way to save them, the only way to cure this dark plauge, **(A/N: Which makes you wonder why there is always a loophole in the first place) **was to find the elixer of life."

"But how did you find that?' Al inquired.

"Oh I didn't" Aria said sweetly. "I had to make it by brewing together 572 rare ingredients that were scattered across the globe with in the thirteen days."

"Wow!" Al exclaimed "Could you tell me about it?"

"Why of course!"

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**_Madness: AIR! NEED AIR!_**

**_Manipulation: Good thing we decided to split up the anxety past._**

**_Madness: No joke. Here are some bloopers:_**

**Blooper 1:**

**"...if they lived past their fifth birthday" Aria sighed "As long as they didn't prick their finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and-"**

**"CUT!" Madness groaned "That is the script for sleeping beauty!"**

**"Sorry" Aria sighed.**

**"I thought we took elements from most all of the disney princess stories." Manipulation inquired.**

**"Not that part!" Madness sighed "Take 15! ACTION!**

**Blooper 3:**

**"I'll be right back" Ed muttered getting up and walking away.**

**"EDWARD!" Maddie flew in from no where and tackled Ed.**

**"MADDIE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Madness demanded.**

**Erin appears from no where and pressure points Maddie knocking her out.**

**"Where did you come from?" Manipulation stared.**

**"Your worst nightmare." Erin muttered picking up Maddie and walking off.**

**"We have wierd friends" Madness muttered.**

**"Touche" Manipulation agreed.**

_**REVIEW!**_

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Blooper 2:

"...besides. I would never want to offend such a sweet old lady." Aria smiled.

"Mwahaha!" the "sweet old lady" cackled.

"Erin what are you doing here?" Madness demanded.

"I beat Maddie in a poker game to be the old lady and give Aria the poison apple of course!" Erin grinned.

"Wait what happened to the origional actress he had?" Manipulation demanded.

"Let's just say it involves cardboard, ducttape and Maddie." Erin said mischeviously.

"Sigh"

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	5. The Anxiety Past Part 2

**_Madness: So where were we?_**

**_Manipulation: Aria was about to tell everyone of how she found the 572 ingredients_**

**_Madness: (blink) There has got to be a way around that._**

**_Manipulation: I don't see how..._**

**_(Both look at eachother and grin)_**

_**REVIEW!**_

**(The Following 1,756 pages of exposition has been abrieviated due to fanfiction bandwith limits)**

"...traveled to the moonbeam castle...unicorn hair... and then I paid the prince... woodland critters... farie's wing... dimond ring..."

"Oh how interesting...so sorry...."

"Sorcerers Stone...snake venom... mushroom... Cavern of Hope... Deathly Hallows...feathers from a pheonix...elixers of chastity, self control, compassion, dilligence, humility, peace, charity, virtue, and tranquility **(A/N: The 7 virtues and then some if you didn't notice) **...and then I spoke to the wizard... extract of purity... honeysuckle... lemon gum drop... albatross tear drops... amatheist... dark castle... love potion... Brisinger... emerald vial of... Edward Cullen...

"...tulip...and then I cunsulted the Oracle...gave me the power to see the future... pre ordained... Trelawny... prophesy... goddess... Lior is a false lead... 8 leaf clover... Live humans are the final ingredient for the philosiphers... moonlight dimonds... the homunculi... fifth lab... golden eyes... Ishbal was a set up... underground city... Hoenhiem... the deathly catacombs... Dante is Lyra...golden moon beam... becomes a philosiphers stone... Hogwarts... self inserts... Envy is your half brother... and then you're sent to Germany... Nazi's try to invade... endless danger..." **(A/N: Oh did you notice the random plot devices?)**

"Pink unicorns... Arya... the black hand... gary stu... no hope... Bella Swann."

Twirling...eye color change... light bell laughter... sympathy...

"...Tinnkerbell...pixie dust...the dark oger... R2-D2...and then I blew up the death star...I revealed Darth Vaders good side...music...dance...and then I went under the sea... little mermaid...Arial...Cinderella... Snow white... Belle... Jasmine... Mulan... Aurora... Rose... Disney... and then I sang him back to life... and then I found the one ring to rule them all... long lost love... Legolas... Orlando Bloom... Elizabeth Swan... the black pearl... Redwall... yellow brick road... back to life... spirits live on within me... found the moon stone... saved the Apollo mission... secret passage... Kristen Chenowith... kidnapped... levitation... so I helped them... I felt so sorry... forever and ever, Amen... happily ever after..."

**(A/N: You're welcome)**

"And that's how I found all the ingredients!" Aria smiled brightly and the birds chirped joyously around her while fluttering around her smooth form.

"Oh..." Al stated dumbly. He was too entranced with her beauty to pay much attention to the story. **(A/N: Which is too bad cause half the plot was in that one section)**

Ed had come back right around the 1725 page of Aria's tale and was staring at her oddly "You did all that... in 13 days? How does that even work?"

"It's mag-"

"Never mind" Ed muttered and walked away again.

"Please continue" Al encouraged.

"Well, I brewed together all of the ingredients and then added a lock of my own hair-"

Ed ran back in and asked "Why the heck would you do that?"

Aria flashed an adorable smile causing Al to drool (...wait... armor can't drool). "To add a honey sweet flavor. Besides, everyone knows that no potion is complete without a lock of a pure maidens hair."

Ed sighed deeply "Right, how could I forget?" then dissapeared again.

"Anyway" Aria continued. "I rushed back to the little cottage with the Elixer where the woodland creatures had been tending to my sisters in my absence." Aria's tender voice was barely more than a whisper now. "But it was too late to save them. They only had a few more breaths left in their lungs, a few more beats in their hearts. With their dying breath they made me swear that I would go to Central and become a state alchemist in their stead. It was too late for them. Through tears I sang them to sleep... and they never woke again. They died just before the clock struck twelve on their fifth birthday."

"That's when I saw this." Aria wrapped her slender fingers around the amathist locket at her chest. "It belonged to my mother and she passed it on to my sisters before she died. It was lying just between the pale faces of my two sisters. I took the locket with a promise: to fufill my sisters destiny so that their deaths would not be in vain. I must not abandon hope. I will keep fighting till the end."

Aria's pale face, set and determined, sparkled with tears, though somehow she was still intoxicatingly beautiful.

Since when can you do alchemy?" Ed asked skeptically.

"Well I wasn't able to" Aria replied. "But I'm sure that my sisters powers will live on through me. The magical prophesy-"

"Ok, I've heard enough! Alchemy is a science!" Ed stormed out of the forest- not wait... they had somehow returned to the train.

...

Ed stormed out of the train car.

"I'm so sorry about my brother" Al apoligized "He-"

"Oh I don't mind" Aria assured him "I'm used to much worse abuse. My father would often come home drunk when I was young and he would beat me. I got used to it but when my sisters were born he would beat them too. Every time mys sisters were hurt I felt as if a twinkling star in the night sky was going out. I did my best to keep them from harm. In fact, I would gladly take their beatings for them.

Al gasped "I'm so sorry! How did you survive that?"

"Hope" Aria smiled faintly "How else can you survive when that is all you have? Hope and a love of family. Even though my father abused me I was still heart broken when he died. He was my father after all. It was just his drinking problem that drove him to-"

"How can gods have drinking problems?" Ed interupted for the eleventh time durning the story **(A/N: Yes we were counting. Deal with it.) **]

"Brother if you're so critical of her life then why are you even listening?" Al demanded.

Ed opened his mouth as if to say something then closed it. His brow furrowed for a moment then he simply walked out of the train car, unable to find a legitimate reason.

"So that's my story" Aria smiled brightly her eyes melting back into the usual aqua hue. "What about you and your brother?"

"Dad abandon us, mom's dead, Al lossed his body and I lossed an arm and a leg trying to bring her back to life and we burnt down our house so that we can never turn back until we find a way to get out bodies back." Ed called from the next car. **(A/N: Their story pales in comparison to Aria's)**

"Oh how awful!" Aria gasped. "I lost an arm and a leg too!"

Ed popped his head back into the compartment "Wait... when the heck did that happen?"

"Well first I tried to bring my sisters back to life with human transmutation. In the process I lost an arm and a leg and my twin brother-"

"Since when did you have a twin brother?"

"-My twin brother and my voice. I was very weak for a time but the elves found me and tended to my wounds. They told me I would never again regain my voice. However, I sang my voice back into perfection-"

"Wait how can you _sing _your it back if you-"

"-I sang my voice back into perfection with one small change. I could now sing seven part harmony alone like my sisters and I used to do together. I knew this was a sign from the gods that I was to continue their legacy-"

"What the heck! They were only five!"

"Actually brother they died just before the clock struck twelve on their fifth birht-"

"SHUT UP!"

"-Their legacy. Now that I knew my true quest I tended to my physical needs **(Much less important) **The birds carried me to a scenic clearing in the enchanted forest where I sat beside the Babbling Brook of Contentment. Then I began to create automail limbs with the help of the woodland creatures and-"

"How did you make automail in a forest?" Ed demanded. "It's machinery!"

"Well, you see, it was an enchanted forest so-"

"And furthermore how do you have automail? You don't look like you have any fake limbs!"

"I know" Aria sighed removing her right glove to reveal an almost perfectly normal looking hand. "I constructed them to look like normal limbs because I didn't want the fact that I performed human transmutation to affect my chances of becoming a state alchemist." **(A/N: So she basically has all the pluses of automail but none of the drawbacks. How lovely!)**

"Anyway" Aria continued. "It was arderous work but the results were rewarding. I could now begin my quest to continue my sisters journey in their stead." Aria smiled "And that's when you two found me."

"Wow" Al sighed "I can't believe you've been through so much!"

"And I can't believe you were listening to her talk for two days straight." Ed muttered.

"You're over exagerating brother" Al sighed.

"Uh... no actually. I'm not"

"What? Then we never switched trains and-"

"Oh no we did. You just didn't notice."

"Where were you half the time anyway brother?" Al asked "You were gone for half of the story!"

"Oh I don't know!" Ed said sarcasticly "Just saving a village from being haunted by dolls made in th likeness of a crazymans lover and saving the train from a hijacking."

"That's nice" Al said dreamily, infatuated with Aria.

Ed slapped a hand to his forehead "I need some fresh air."

Aria gave a little tinkling laugh and flipped her midnight locks over her shoulder so that the sun caught each strand in it's golden beams and her eyes shown blue dusted with gold and silver specks.

Al sighed dreamily and Ed groaned in exasperation "God help me!"

* * *

_**Manipulation: Ok so... Madness has passed out... while she half dead here are some bloopers!**_

**

* * *

**

Blooper 1:

Twirling...eye color change... gunshot... Aria falls... dead with blood pooling around her and-

Manipulation sighed "CUT! Madness what are you doing?"

Madness was looking quite insane with a gun in her hand. "Couldn't take the marysueness anymore."

"Dang it. Bring in the spare Actress!" Manipulation ordered. "Dang we're going through these things way to fast... take 15!"

* * *

Blooper 2:

"I sat down by the babbling brook of contentment."

Fire suddenly starts and begins burning down the enchanted forest and roasting all the woodland creatures alive.

Madness and Manipulation groaned. "MADDIE!"

* * *

Blooper 3:

Ed sighed in exasperation "God help me!"

"My parents are dead" Aria said mournfully.

"SHUT UP!"

"Ed just go with it." Madness ordered.

"This script makes no sense!" Ed complained.

"That's the point" Manipulation growled.

Madness sighed "Take 43. ACTION!"

_REVIEW!_


	6. Crimson Tide Golden Moonbeam Alchemist

**_Madness: Sorry it's been a while._**

**_Manipulation: Thanks for you supportive reviews! Keep em coming!_**

**_Madness: Because we're never satisfied._**

**_Manipulation: Of course not. Enjoy!_**

"I thought the alchemy exam was fun and very enlightening." Aria said as she skipped down the steps of the exam building.

"I didn't even finish mine" Ed grumbled. "How can you say it was fun?"

"Well," Aria smiled brightly. "I have a melodiacle memory."

Ed stared "A what?"

"I remember everything I sing" Aria explained. "It's like a photographic memory only much more desirable."

"That was you?" Al gasped in awe. "You're amazing."

"Aw thankyou Al" a blush flitted over Aria's pale cheeks. "But I'm really not that good."

"Y-yes you are" Al said nervously, wringing his metal hands."

"Thanks. So what's next?" Aria asked.

"The interviews" Ed sighed.

Al looked nervous "What if I have to get a physical?"

"It'll be ok Al" Aria said comfortingly. "I know you'll be amazing."

"Thanks Aria" Al murmered.

* * *

Ed sat moodily on the porch of Shou Tucker's mansion later that day, watching Al and Aria play with Nina and Alexander. Apparently Nina reminded Aria of her late twin sisters.

"Something the matter Ed?" Shou Tucker asked.

"Nothing" Ed muttered. "What do you think of Aria?"

Tucker didn't need more encouragement "Ahe has more talent then anyone I've ever seen and so much potential to become the greatest alchemist ever seen in the history of the world. She's very bright and-"

"Never mind"

* * *

"Aria Esmerelda Aphrodite Nightshade, why do you want to be a state alchemist." Fuer King Bradley asked.

"Well," Aria began. "It all started on the Isle of-"

She was cut off by the shattering of glass. The window had been completely destroyed by a large stone that was seemingly, hurdled through.

"SHUT UP!" Ed yelled from beneath the open window.

Everyone was shocked "What the- who was that?"

Of course, Aria knew it was Ed, but she would never want to get him in trouble. Though she wouldn't want to lie either so she remained silent.

General Hakuro turned to Aria "We're so sorry. We'll call someone to-"

"Oh it's all right" Aria said cheerily. "I'll fix it." She began to sing in beautiful sven part harmony. Rainbow snow swirled about the shattered glass and after spinning in a graceful spiral it all flew back into place. But it looked very different now. The once, plain, transparent window was now a gorgeous, multi colored, stain glass window, decorated with a large, glowing pink heart that was surrounded by a multitude of _moving _doves, deer and flowers.

An exasperated scream was heard from outside the window and another stone was hurled at the glass. With a clear ringing sound it glanced off harmlessly.

Aria batted her eyes innocently "Now where were we?"

Everyone's jaw dropped.

"Anyway," Aria continued. "I basically want to become a state alchemist because of a promise I made to my dying little, twin sisters. I promised to become a state alchemist and take all of the good and the bad that comes with it." **(A/N: Oh look! That's basically Ed's exact speech minus the twin sisters part! How undyingly creative.)**

"So what do you wish to accomplish if you become a state alchemist" Fuer Bradley asked officially, seemingly the only person in the room un affected by her utter perfection. **(A/N: That probably has nothing to do with the fact that he's _a freakin homunculus!!!)_**

"Well," Aria began. "I want to fufill my promise to my sisters. Additionally-"

* * *

Ed and Al were listening outside, pressing their ears up to the _stain glass window. _Al was drooling, **(A/N:... armor is not supposed to drool.) **while Ed was gnashing his teeth together.

"What the heck!" Ed muttered. "She-"

"Shhh!" Al hushed Ed. "I can barely hear!" he pressed closer to the window, catching snippets of the conversation. **(A/N: This'll be good)**

"Additionaly I want to help others... save the animals... dolphins... I also want to... You see, when I journeyed to... stop global warming... save the world... fufil my mothers goal of... philsiphers stone... help the Elrics... world peace... and fufil my destiny."

"She sounds like she would make such a wonderful state alchemist huh brother?" Al sighed.

"Oh, just amazing." Ed growled with heavy sarcasm but Al didn't seem to notice.

* * *

The next day was the practical exam and Ed was dreading it for more reasons then one. Not only did he have no idea what to do but he definetly didn't want to know what Aria would do. At most there were two spots for new state alchemists which was nerve racking enough without worrying about this seemingly flawless... no wait... _flawless _girl he was competing with.

Thank God when Al asked Aria what she was doing she only gave a mysterious, yet still innocent smile, and said "You'll see" in a sing song voice.

"You'll be fine brother" Al encouraged as they stood outside Central Head Quarters. "You'll both be amazing."

Aria smiled nervously "Thanks Al, but I'm not so sure. There may be other more experianced alchemists who are more gifted then me."

_'Not Likely' _Ed thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. _'Miss oh so perfect, daughter of a godess, chlid prodigy.'_

"Come on. We're gonna be late."

* * *

Ed stared at the practice field. They had every raw material imaginable and the onle rules were: "Use whatever you want to demonstrate your talents."

"Yeah, nice guidelines." Ed muttered. "What the Hell am I supposed to do?"

His answer came when a pointless, giant, hydrogen baloon crashed into an equally pointless, giant stone tower and the tower broke and began to fall twoards a completely defenceless man who some how didn't have enough energy to drag himself out of the way. Ed rushed forward, in a spurt of the moment, impulsive move, and clapped his hands together transforming the tower and baloon into...

...flowers.

Oh well! The guy was saved! That's all that matters!

"That's amazing Ed" Aria beamed "You did all of that without a transmutation circle!"

Ed grinned to himself '_Top that Ms. Nightshade.'_

"Wish me luck" Aria took a deep breath, brushed her midnight bangs from her determined emerald eyes (Wait... when did that happen?) and stepped forward.

First she clapped her hands together and water swirled up from the pond, twisting about in the air, following the movement of her slender fingers. It slipped into the form an ice spear and soared forward with outstanding accuracy, embedding itself in the crag of the huge mountain of rock. She clapped her hands together again and the rock burst into a shower of multi colored sparks raining down in a multitude of beauty. Then Aria began to sing in clear, pure, and all together undeniably beautiful 7 part harmony, causing dozens of flowers no one had ever seen before to spring up from the rich earth, their petals ablaze with colors. Then a flock of multi colored birds landed amongst the field and began to harmonize with Aria in a lovely 25 part harmony chorus. When she sang the final note the birds flew off into the glorious sunset even though it was only noon!

**(A/N:... MY EYES! WHAT'S WITH ALL THE HAPPY COLORS! Notice how she can do alchemy without a transmutation circle and without touching anything just like Dante making her just more perfect then everyone in every way shape and form!!! GAH!!! Sorry... had to rant for a second. Continue)**

Everyone stared in a stunned, awed silence

"Excuse me while I go jump off a cliff" Ed muttered.

* * *

"Both of you have demonstrated enormous skill." Mustang informed Ed and Aria later in his office (Though he was mostly talking to Aria) "As such you two are our newest state alchemists."

He handed Aria her silver pocket watch "Aria Esmerelda Aphrodite Nightshade, you are now the Crimson Tide Gloden Moonbeam Alchemist due to your amazing and infatuating alchemic abilities. You are now the youngest and only female alchemist in the military. Congratulations."

Mustang chucked Ed's silver pocket watch at him "And you're the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"Thanks" Ed muttered.

Mustang clasped his hands together "Also since Aria has expressed interest in assiting you and your brother and she too wants to regain her origional bodies, you two will be working together to find the philosiphers stone."

**(A/N: Even though Aria's fake arm and leg are just so much better and flawless than the origionals she still wants her origional limbs back for some un explained, stupid reason. Plus she needs to be able to unintentionally over shadow Ed in everything he does even though she's just helping out because she's a saint like that.)**

"Oh why thank you!" Aria exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes. "Now I can finally fufil my sisters dying wish!" she turned to Ed "I'm so glad I'll be working with you since you're such a talented alchemist. I'm sure I'll learn alot from you." She smiled sweetly.

Ed was trying hard not to run and jump out the nearest window "...Thanks..."

* * *

**_Madness: GOD! I %#&ing hate her so much!_**

**_Manipulation: Don't we all. Bloopers time!_**

**Blooper 1:**

**"Shh" Al hushed Ed. "I can barely hear."**

**"Fine" Ed growled. "I'll be right back." he stormed off.**

**A few minutes later there was a gigantic explosion and the entire building exploded. Ed was standing by the un scathed Al looking like a mad man and holding a gigantic missle launcher.**

**"Brother! Where did you get that?" Al stared.**

**"This wierd girl and her friend gave it to me" Ed hissed evilly.**

**"ERIN! MADDIE!" Manipulation and Madness groaned.**

**"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Erin and Maddie cackled, fleeing the scene.**

**Blooper 2:**

**"Nice guidelines" Ed muttered. "What the Hell am I supposed to do?"**

**At the word, Hell, Aria glanced nervously at the ground "We must not attract the attention of my dark uncle."**

**"OH SHUT UP!"**

**Blooper 3:**

**"You are now the youngest, only female and most talented alchemist in the military" Mustang said. "Even better than the main character in ecery way even though he's supposed to be the focus and I'll even admit you're better than me since due to all your amazing virtues and morals I've lost all previous pompusness and I no longer have a god complex. I am now a humble military man."**

**"It think we should make that a bit more subtle" Madness muttered.**

**"Yeah if we keep that scene we might as well have Mustang propose to her." Manipulation agreed.**

**"Ok, more subtle colonel flame." Madness ordered. "Take 25!"**

**Madness: There you have it! Reviews are a appreciated.**

**Manipulation: And demanded.**

**Madness: See ya. Next chapter is just us stuffing as much marysueness as we can into a chapter.**

**Manipulation: And then we'll get back to the whole cause of this stupid abomination of satan.**

**Madness: The random group of sadists! Look out it's the plot!**

**Manipulation: REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7: The Moon Lit Clearing

**_Madness: Ok so we're really sorry it's been so long..._**

**_Manipulation: We? You're the one in charge of typing._**

**_Madness: Ok I'm sorry... wait, no I'm not! I refuse to accept responsibility for anything. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_**

**_Manipulation: That makes no sense._**

**_Madness: Yeah I know. Lot's of marysueness in this chapter. It's pretty nauseating._**

**_Manipulation: Review!_**

Al awoke around midnight. He was sleeping in a silk tent a few feet away from Ed. Aria, who wove the tent with her silk worm friends, had made herself a pink silk tent a few yards away (**_Why are they in the middle of the woods and not at Shou Tuckers?... we have no clue.)_**

Aria had chosen this spot in the woods outside of Central because she wanted to be closer to nature. (**_Of course… wait… since when are there any forests outside of Central?)_**

As Al climbed from the tent to stretch his legs (**_ARMOR DOESN'T NEED TO STRECH IT'S LEGS) _**he heard the song of a soft, beautiful voice, drifting over the cool, winters breeze. Slowly, like someone in a dream, he followed the sweet serenade.

He made his way through the tall oaks until he came to a luscious, grassy clearing. Aria stood in the center, twirling about, her bare feet trailing through the soft, dew covered grass. As she flitted about her midnight locks swung around causing moonlight to reflect off of each perfect strand so that it almost seemed as if it were glowing.

All around her, hundreds of beautiful fireflies danced with her, their glowing illuminating the clearing in soft light.

Al watched for a long while until Aria's melody ceased and the fireflies dispersed. She delicately sat on a white stone and sighed. The armor slowly approached her.

Obviously hearing him behind her Aria said in a lost voice that seemed caught up in memories from long ago, "My sisters… they loved the fireflies. When we lived in that wooden cottage, they too would dance with them. Perhaps their soft lights reminded them of the faint hope we still had left. It kept them wishing for their ambitions." A single tear slipped down her pale cheek as she lifted her eyes to the sky, moon light illuminating her pale skin. "The fireflies… remind me of my sisters."

A shooting star suddenly streaked across the sky and past the other less radiant ones. It seemed to symbolize how Aria looked compared to all other humans: beautiful, flawless and radiant. **_(Yep, Aria's just that freaking perfect. God I hate this girl.)_**

"Make a wish" Al found himself saying.

"I wish…" Aria smiled and looked at Al. "I wish that you and Al will accomplish your goal and get your original bodies back so that you can one again feel." **_(Yeah, she's so selfless. She doesn't wish for anything for herself. Just for others! How delightfully nauseating.)_**

Aria rose to her feet and took Al's metal hands in her pale flawless ones "Feel the sunlight, the cool autumn breeze, the morning dew on your feet, the rain on your skin." She smiled. "No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in." **_(I sense copyright infringement)_**

"Thanks Aria" Al murmured. "Ed and I won't stop fighting until we accomplish our goal."

"And I'll help you." She said firmly, yet gently at the same time. "Until the end."

As Ed walked into the clearing an interesting sight beheld him. Amidst a dazzling swirl of multi colored fireflies Al stood holding Aria's slender hands as both gazed up at the moon, whose silver rays fluttered down through the air and illuminated the radiant pair and all of their graceful movements.

"…Did I miss something?" **_(Yes you did Ed. Be glad)_**

Though Aria wasn't facing Ed she said "Hello, Ed. You seem quite exasperated… Is there anything I can do to help?" Now she turned to look at him.

"Wait how did you know I was feeling… you were facing the other way!" Ed said… well … exasperatedly.

"I could sense you aura!" Aria beamed. "Your heroic gold aura is tinted with dark bronze."

"…….Okay?" Ed wasn't really sure what to think.

"I'm so glad you understand." Aria's innocent smile remained un altered by Ed's skeptical look. Suddenly she became perfectly still and her eyes closed.

"Aria?" Al was concerned **_(As usual)_**

"Sunrise is approaching." Aria said softly as a soft pink light crept into the sky. Then she began to sing **_(Think Ariel from the little mermaid) _**a pure clear melody, no three part or even two part harmony required. Just single notes of pure beauty as the rays of sunlight pierced the dawn.

"Let me guess." Ed muttered. "This symbolizes hope and renewal like everything else she does."

"Brother, hush." Al murmured, gazing in wonder at the glorious sun rising in the east.

When the sun was in the sky Aria's voice faded into the breeze and she turned back to face them.

Ed and Al stared. In the midst of Ed being skeptical and Al being mesmerized they had failed to notice that Aria's hair style had changed completely. Her raven colored hair that had once fell in ringlets down her back was now in a sleek, straight style that framed her face and brought out her sea green eyes even more. Her hand was at the amethyst locket around her neck… wait…

"Um… Aria?" Ed blinked.

Aria looked concerned "Is something the matter Ed?"

"Uh… your hair just… changed." Ed pointed out the obvious."

"Oh that" Aria gave a tinkling laugh. "Yes, it happens every morning and I just don't know why." **_(Even though… it never changed before this morning… oh well whatever.)_** "Did I not mention that?"

"No as a matter of fact." Ed muttered. "You didn't."

"Oh." She replied. "I'm sorry." She bent down smoothly, plucking a pink rose from the earth. She blew softly on it causing it to turn yellow and emit a sweet fragrance reminiscent of lavender honey. **_(We don't know what lavender honey is but it sounded good.)_**

"Will you please forgive me for my neglect." She asked sweetly, holding out the rose.

"Uh… sure." Ed said slowly taking the flower.

"Oh good!" Aria beamed. "We better go. It's about 7:37 and we promised Shou Tucker we'd be back by noon." She started from the clearing."

"How do you know what time it is?" Ed called after her, confused.

"I read the sun" she giggled then skipped off towards their camp.

Ed let go of the flower and let it drift to the grown. The smell was nauseating him.

"Brother how could you!" Al scooped up the flower before it could hit the soft earth. "We should go back and help Aria with the tents."

Of course the silk worms had already finished un wrapping the tents when they returned. **_(Ok, just for the record silk worms DIE after using their silk. They would be dead! I guess Aria's perfection keeps them alive. HA! I bet as soon as she leaves they all just die! MWAHAHAAH- wow have major issues don't I?)_**

So, they headed back to Tucker's mansion, Aria skipping and Al trotting after her the flower still clutched in his hands.

"Am I seriously the only one noticing anything weird about this?" Ed muttered. **_(No Ed. You are not. We feel your pain.)_**

**_Madness: YOU'RE FAULT!_**

**_Manipulation: Give it a rest. Bloopers time!_**

**Blooper 1:**

**As Ed walked into the clearing an interesting sight beheld him. Al and Aria were floating up twoards the heavens as a halo of golden light surrounded them and a multitude of heavenly hosts sang-**

**"CUT!" Madness groaned. "This is was too... too..."**

**"Nauseatingly infectiously and in every way perfectly not right?" Manipulation asked dryly.**

**"Worse!" Madness groaned. "CUT THAT PART! Take 10!"**

**Blooper 2: "No one else can feel these things for you only you can let it in-"**

**"Ok that's enough song dialouge" Madness said.**

**"No one else, no one else-"**

**"No really that's enough" Manipulation agreed.**

**"Just speak the words on your lips-"**

**"STOP SINGING!"**

**"Live your life with arms wide open-"**

**BANG!!!**

**Maddie and Erin blasted the scene with a bazuka.**

**"Ah damn it." Madness sighed.**

**Maddie and Erin chuckled gleefully.**

**Blooper 3:**

**And as the sun rose and Aria sang a light suddenly enveloped Al. When the light faded he was human again-**

**"OH COME ON!" Madness groaned chucking a camera at a blue bird. "DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING!"**

**"I'm going to get some hard vodka" Manipulation sighed. "Want some."**

**"Yes, dear god, yes!"**

**_Madness: Please Review! Next chapter the random group of sadists return!_**

**_Manipulation: See ya then!_**


	8. Chapter 8: What Now?

**_Madness: The four freaks are finally in the FMA world._**

**_Manipulation: And by freaks we mean us plus Maddie and Erin._**

**_Madness: I'll say there might be a lot of point of view switching in the next few chapters... episodes... things..._**

**_Manipulation: Just to show everyones thoughts._**

**_Madness: Except Aria... we won't subject you to going into her mind._**

**_Manipulation: Actually we don't care so much about you as we do our selves._**

**_Madness: Aren't we considerate?_**

**_Manipulation: R&R!_**

**_Aimee's POV:_**

I groaned and blinked trying to clear my vision. What had happened? Had I gotten a sugar coma again? If so how many people did I accidently kill when I was blacked out. I really didn't want to deal with that. Around me Erin, Maddie and Zeb were lying unconcious.

...so did we... all get a sugar coma?

Shakily I stood and looked around. My eyes bugged. We were in Liore! The city was easily recongnizable by it's fountain of wine. I mean never mind that we had just gone past the gate and lost nothing. Never mind that we were somehow on top of a roof with a conveniantle located ladder by it. Never mind that we were in Ametris! They figured out how to get wine to flow in a fountain! How the Hell do they do that?

... ok being in FMA was pretty awsome too.

The others began to wake up "Mmph." Maddie grunted. "Where are we?"

"Liore." I said very calmly.

"WHAT!" Zeb exclaimed.

"Wha..." Maddie mumbled.

"Which one?" Erin asked.

"Erin, there's... only one Liore." Zeb said slowly.

"I know that." Erin sighed. She seemed very calm about this whole... in an anime show thing. I guess she does this thing alot, she's smart that way. "I mean which episode? The one at the beggining? The one that's a continuation of the beggining? The one where Rose is actually relevent to the plot?"

We all shrugged in unison having no clue.

"Huh." Erin thought for a minute. "Hold that thought." she dissapeared down the conveniently placed ladder. A few moments later she appeared with pair of dshiny, black binoculars in her hands.

"Where did you get those Erin?" Zeb asked, puzzled.

"Jipped them from some kid." Erin stated bluntly, raising the binoculars to her eyes.

Yep that's Erin!

There was a pause before she said "Bingo."

"What?" we asked in unison.

"Three figures on the desert horizon heading this way. A short one in a red coat, a big metal one and..." she lowered the binoculars her eye twitching slightly. "The third one appears to be sparkling."

We grimaced in unison.

"Well..." I said slowly. "I guess we know we're in the first episode. Fifty one episodes to kill you know who."

"Voldemort?" Maddie asked randomly.

"Forty three actually." Erin corrected. "If you cut out all the depressing past sequences. So it's really forty three episodes."

"Same thing." Zeb sighed.

"No Zeb it really isn't..."

"It is now."

"So..." Maddie said awkwardly rocking back and forth. "What do we do till they get here?"

Erin thought for a minute then said "Come on Maddie." the two started down the ladder.

"Hey what about us!" I demanded.

Erin gave us a look "Do you have any desire to study mathmatical and scientific equations?"

"Heck no!"

"Exactly." Then they were gone.

"So what do we do?" Zeb asked.

"I don't know..." I thought for a minute then snapped my fingers. "I know! Let's steal some wine and drug a random kid!"

"Sounds fun!"

...yeah.

* * *

"I'm bored." I said for the 22 time. Yeah I was counting. Deal with it.

The drugging the kid thing didn't work well. No one seemed to trust us... though I have no clue why. Now we were sitting by the fountain being bored.

"Me too." Zeb sighed. "I wish I had my I-pod touch."

"You two have only been sitting there for fifteen minutes." we looked up to see Erin walking twoards us followed by Maddie who seemed uncharacisticly engaged in an Alchemy for Begginers book.

"Where have you two been?" Zeb demanded.

"Studying alchemy" Erin shrugged. "They had some books on it in the library."

"Is it hard?" I asked.

"Easy." Erin said at the same time Maddie said "Needlessly complicated."

"Here." Erin tossed us both some clothes. "Put these on. You look out of place in Jeans."

"Oh so that's why everyone was looking at us wierd when we were trying to drug their children!"

"I don't think it was the jeans Aimee."

"...heh, heh."

* * *

Another thirty minutes later we were all sitting at the fountain, Erin and Maddie thumbing through alchemy books and Zeb and I being too damn lazy to try to understand alchemy. Don't judge me!

"Maddie, why are you holding your book up side down?" Zeb asked.

"Oh... right." Maddie scurried to ajust the book and in the process a Phantom of the Opera playbill tumbled out. "Oops!" Maddie squeaked.

We all sighed. (**_A/N: Maddie is obsessed with Phantom of the Opera. You may see several references.)_**

Then we spotted a red and gold blur running twoards us screaming "WATER!"

"Crap it's Ed!" Erin exclaimed. "SCATTER!"

"Ha ha! Shorty!" I shouted as I dashed behind a conveniently placed fence with Zeb then peeked back out. Erin was in the third story window of a nearby building (...somehow...) and Maddie was... was... crap where was Maddie.

...Oh... crap. She was just standing there in front of the fountain gawking at Ed, her eyes wide and dreamy. The blonde pipsqueak ran twoards her and exclaimed "OUT OF MY WAY!"

* * *

**_Maddie's POV_**

I stared in awe and the incredibly sexy boy in front of me. How was it possible for anyone (except for perhaps the Phantom) be any more perfect. The toned muscels, the rippling gold hair that swayed behind him as he ran twoards me. His golden eyes were like golden suns (If there was any other type) and hey he was only a few inches taller than me making me not look so utterly short in comparison!

Dang it I don't care if he's the main character and I'm (technically) a self insert! This ship has got to set sail! I drooled at the hot stud in front of me as he reached me exclaiming "OUT OF MY WAY!"

"EDWARD!" I screamed, glomping him to the ground.

* * *

**_Aimee's POV_**

"This is a problem." Zeb said flatly as Maddie tackled Edward.

"No freakin duh!" I growled. "Erin!"

"On it." she jumped out of the third story window and landed perfectly fine (...somehow...) and ran over to a disoriented Ed while Zeb and I dragged a kicking and screaming Maddie behind the fence.

"What. The. Hell?" Ed blinked rubbing his head.

"Oh don't worry." Erin beamed. "You're about to forget everything that just happened in the last minute!"

"Wait who are-"

"Bye bye." Erin pressure pointed Ed and he fell to the ground then she joined us behind the fence.

A few moments later Ed woke up scratching his head. "What just happend? Oh well... WATER!"

"You are scary Erin" Zeb complimented.

"I know." she replied flatly.

That's when we heard the nauseating giggle from our left. Al came into view in his shining silver armor followed by... _her. _I felt a sudden desire to go and kill as many butterflys as I could at that moment most likely because they were fluttering around her. She was just a bit shorter than Ed with pale, soft skin, bright blue eyes and a sweet smile. Her golden hair, each strand like a ray of sunshine, fell down her back in rippling waves, with one french braid styled to the side of her face. As she walked pixie dust (what the Hell?) fluttered from her hair and touched the ground and caused floweres to spring up. She wore a simple white dress and looked perfect in everyway despite the fact that she had just been crossing the dessert for two days and Ed and Al looked like they had been traveling for weeks.

"Oh. My. God." Maddie stared.

"It's worse then I pictured her." Zeb looked horror struck.

"I feel like killing something." I mumbled glumly.

"Didn't we make her hair black?" Erin speculated.

We all turned to look at her "Huh?"

"I thought we gave her um... how did we describe it... 'the color of a thousand glistening obsideians in the night sky?'"

"Oh yeah we did... now her hairs blonde." I noticed.

Of course Aria's ultra sensitive ears picked up the question and she spoke "Well it changes colors with the seasons. In the summer it's-"

"Never mind!" I called moodily.

Ed was too busy arguing with Al to notice Aria's out of the blue statement.

"What took you two so long!?" Ed demanded.

"Well brother, Aria sang us a cool oasis from the earth and we had a nice refreshing drink in the shade of a palm tree (Even though armor doesn't tire, need to sit in the shade, drink or- oh scre it you get the idea)

"I hate you." Ed growled to no one in paticular. "So much."

"So Ed's still sane." I said. "That's good. What about Al."

We turned to look at the armor that gleamed with heroic rays of silver light as he looked lovingly upon Aria and-

"Never mind." we all sighed.

"Hey you kids!" the bartender called.

"IT WASN'T ME I SWEAR!" I replied on instinct. My friends sighed.

"Ok.." The bar tender stared. "What are you doing here."

"Killing people-" I began.

"Stalking Ed!" Maddie exclaimed.

"Trying to get out of this-" Erin tried to explain.

"Good question" Zeb replied pensivly.

"Looking for the philosiphers st-" Ed started.

"Trying to fufill my destiny and the dying wishes of my young twin sisters and-"

"SHUT UP!" The four of us plus Ed yelled.

Al just drooled (Damnit! Armor can't drool!)

"Huh..." the bartender looked oddly at Al's outfit then at the rest of us "Are you guys street performers or something?"

"I don't think so pops!" Ed growled. "Do I look like a clown to you?"

"That depends on your idea of entertainment." I smiled evily.

Ed cast me a wary glance "Who are you anways?"

"Uh..." crap what was I supposed to say?

Before I could come up with a clever lie Aria interjected. "Oh I understand! You are automatically supicous of people because of some horrible thing that happened in you past. Don't worry. You can trust me."

I blinked at her "Why don't you just shoot yourself in the-"

"We'll be right back" Erin interupted jerking me away from the bar. Maddie and Zeb followed.

"Aimee." Erin began when we were behind a building. "We have to keep a low profile."

"Why?" I asked. "Can't we just kill her and get it over with?"

"Use logic Aimee!" Erin snapped.

"You know I never had any of that!" I protested.

"Think about stealing some then think about this." Erin growled. "DO YOU THINK THAT IF WE KILL ARIA THAT ANYONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HER WILL JUST FORGET US AND LET US SEARCH FOR THE PHILOSIPHERS STONE! NO! THEY'LL ATTAACK US FOR OUR BLATANT MALICE AGAINST THE INNOCENT!"

"Well... when you put it that way..." Zeb said slowly.

"It does seem to put finding the philosiphers stone a bit out of reach" Maddie sighed.

"People attack us for blantant malice anyway Erin." I pointed out.

"Touche." Erin sighed. "But try to keep a low profile and... Aimee?"

"Huh?" I looked up from where I was obsesivly playing with two knives.

"Where did you get those?" Erin asked.

"I always carry two knives around on my person." I said defensivly.

"You don't need to tell us. We know." Maddie sighed.

"Just two?" Zeb inquired.

"I know that." Erin tapped her foot impatiently. "How did you get them past the gate?"

"How did Maddie get her Phantom of the Opera playbill past the gate?"

"Touche."

Then I heard another sickening voice "My there sure is alot of action around here today."

"Rose alert." I muttered, peeking out from behind the wall. Yes my friends, Rose is the tragic beauty with somehow pink bangs who lost her boyfriend in a terrible accident and was made relevent to the plot just to piss us off three quarters of the way through the series. Of course next to Aria she looked like a swamp troll.

...a tragic swamp troll banned from her friends and family and forced to live in exile and, ok I'll shut up now.

"Hi I'm Edward Elric the Fullmetal Alchemist" Ed said cockily.

"And I'm his younger brother Alphonse Elric." Al said politely.

"And I'm Aria Esmerelda Aphrodite Nightshade the "Crimson Tide, Golden Moonbeam _Lilac_ alchemist." (Did... her title just grow?) Aria said sweetly then she turned to Ed and Al and said gravely "Her light pink aura is tinted with a sad grey."

"Of course it is." Ed muttered.

"Auras?" I growled through gritted teeth. "Seriously? Auras! When did we add that?"

"After the physical features but before the anxiety past." Erin informed me.

"God why did we create this thing?" Zeb asked the legitimate question.

"Good question." Maddie sighed.

"I'm so very pleased to meet you Rose." Aria beamed. "I'm sure we'll get along wonderfully." her face dropped suddenly. "I sense a dark presence."

My three friends turned to look at me where I was grinning malicously and stroking my knives.

"Calm Aimee" Erin reminded me.

"I'm perfectly calm!" I snapped.

"Right." my friends said in unison.

So of course miss tragicly beautiful led Ed, Al and... it to the church to board them up. As soon as they were out of ear shot we exploded:

"I can't believe Al was the victem and not Ed!"

"I can't believe her hair changes color."

"I can't believe we ever decided to create such a thing!"

"I can't believe I managed not to attack her!"

"I can't believe it's not butter!"

We stared at Maddie who grinned sheepishly "Sorry couldn't resist."

"Hey, why are you four still around?" the bar tender asked.

"Never mind that" Zeb sighed. "Get us some drinks."

"You have money?" the bar tender raised an eyebrow.

I considered threatening the man but then Erin slapped some money on the table "Four drinks please."

"Coming right up."

...I wasn't even gonna ask where she got that.

* * *

**_Madness: Whew... long chapter._**

**_Manipulation: Where did you get that money Erin?_**

**_Erin: Trade secret, I'm not telling._**

**_Maddie: Blooper time!_**

**Blooper 1:**

**"I'm bored" I sighed.**

**"Me too." Zeb agreed. "I wish I had my I pod touch... wait." he reached into his pocket and pulled out his I pod touch and turned it on. "Hey look they have Wi fi here!"**

**"Cut." Madness called. "Yeah I think that's a tad too un realistic."**

**"As opposed to getting sucked into an anime?" Manipulation asked.**

**"Exactly."**

**Blooper 2:**

**There were butterflys fluttering around her. A sudden bang and the town was wiped from the map. Everyone turned to look at me, holding a bazuka.**

**"Where did you get that?" Erin asked slowly.**

**"I have absolutely no clue." I replied. "Hooray for un explained plot points!"**

**Blooper 3:**

**"You know what I've noticed. This whole time Me and Manipulation ahve been directing ourselves." Madness mused.**

**"Yeah I have noticed that" I nodded. "Cause really we're the same person."**

**"So this is what multiple personality disorder feels like." Zeb realized.**

**"Yeah it's wierd." Manipulation nodded. "And... wait are we filming? Turn that off!"**

**"SHOOT THE CAMERA MAN!" Madness comanded.**

**I obeyed and shot him.**

**"Oops he was our only guy..."**

**"Woopsie..."**

**_Madness: REVIEW PLEASE!_**

**_Manipulation: I command you with my mind powers!_**

**_Erin: That's wierd..._**

**_Maddie: PHANTOM!_**

**_..._**


End file.
